Easter 2013

This Easter was not the same and I know holidays and birthdays will never be the same anymore. Last year R and I spent our first Easter together and it was wonderful. This year, he had to work all day and the toughest part of Easter was not having Isabella in our arms. R had to work and was unable to go to Easter Sunrise Servive. R's mom and I got up early Sunday morning and went to Easter Sunrise service at the funeral home. 

The funeral home had recently opened a Garden of Hope fountain. Let me just tell you, when I got there early in the morning it took my breath away and I knew my Isabella was at a nice and peaceful new home. 

Here are some pictures of the beautiful "Garden of Hope" fountain. 

The service was so beautiful. They spoke the words that helped any grieving family member during this wonderful Easter. They honored and announced the names of family members that have lost a loved one from last Easter to this Easter. They announced Isabella's grandma and I and presented both of us with an Easter Lily. 

Easter Lily I was presented with

When they presented me with the Easter lily, I received a pink cover and R's mom received a purple one. Both those colors are the colors we used for the baby shower and also the colors R and I had planned on using in her room. I noticed the colors, and started crying. I told R's mom and she even teared up. I felt this was a sign that Isabella was right there with me, letting me know she was always there no matter where I'm at. I'm a firm believer in signs, and I definitely saw this as a sign. I immediately texted R and told him and he told me he couldn't stop crying at work. I know it was a hard day at work to begin with since he couldn't make it to the service and we had to spend this Easter without Isabella. He is such a wonderful dad, and will always be a dad even though Isabella isn't physically here. He talks to her each night, and we pray for her. He keeps me strong when I'm weak, and try's to turn my bad days into a better day. I'm so glad that he is the father of or little girl and that God is brining us closer together and making our relationship stronger. 

After the service, R's mom and I went to visit Isabella for her first Easter in Heaven. R and I had made Isabella a basket filled with an arrangement of flowers, Easter eggs, a monkey (we called her our little monkey), and a little bunny. I was moving the dirt around and found a little plastic animal that R's niece and nephews had left for her the day of the funeral service. When I found this I knew she was with me, letting me know that she was celebrating Easter with us as well as her grandpa's in heaven. I miss her terribly, and my heart is still shattered in a million pieces. Knowing that I couldn't hold her for her first Easter killed me. I still can't be around newborns. Hearing their cry or even seeing them brings me to tears. I didn't go with R's parents on Saturday for a family gathering because one of his relatives was due 2 days before me and recently had her baby 2 weeks ago. It's still too soon for me to be around babies, and I feel bad but I'm just not emotionally strong enough yet. 

Isabella's First Easter Basket

We raised enough money to get her a marker so it should be set in 3 more weeks. On Sunday, I also noticed that when we received the lily's they were all closed. We went to R's sisters house and when we got back they opened up. (see picture above) I thought it was so breathtaking to see the flowers all closed before we left and them to open up so pretty by the time we got home. Life is just so precious and we all have to cherish each and everyday we have on this earth. 

Mommy and Daddy miss you Isabella Grace and not a day goes by that you are not on our mind. I hope you liked your Easter basket that mommy and daddy made for you.